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… But Why?

So my great uncle died last night. I was in church when my mom texted me and told me to call her. Immediately, I  knew what the call was about. To be honest my heart is broken, not because I miss him, which I do, my uncle was one of my favorite people but more so because of my grandma. My grandma, dad, and I traveled to California to visit him last year. My uncle traveled to see my grandma and his other siblings about once a year but has been sick for quite sometime and hasn’t been in a position to do so. A series of unfortunate events led us to not be able to see him. In addition, my dad planned another trip for her to see him this week but he passed before they even left.   I called my grandma today and this is the first time I’ve heard her sound this way. I’ve seen her bury many people over the years including siblings and even her youngest child and never has she sounded the way she did today. My heart is broken for her. Then I began to ask God why. There are the questions we may never have answers to. I’ve counseled many people in these situations. Why wasn’t she allowed to see her brother when we traveled? Why couldn’t you wait a few days until her and my dad got there? Why around the holidays? Why so many close deaths so close together for her? So. Many. Questions. But I am grateful for Jehovah Shalom, the God of Peace. I am grateful for a Jehovah Shammah (the God who is there) and Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals) that allows me to hurt and like Job’s friends sits with in silence while I try to sort it. I am grateful that my grandmother knows this same God. It’s hard for me to reconcile why my grandmother has to hurt the way she does today. But God….

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