I'm not saying she's a gold digger...
Me and one of my close male friends talk about everything under the sun: politics, religion, relationships, education, black culture, etc. This morning he texted me a clip of a semi-famous, rich by most standards person on Breakfast Club talking about her husband needing to have more money than she does.
Here's a snippet of our text thread (edited for names and clarity):
HIM: See why men make money a big deal
She’s rich. And the guy has to be richer than her to be with her.
ME: Is she joking or is she serious?
I can’t tell lol
HIM: I think she’s dead serious
Like I can understand wanting someone at your level, but HAS to be richer is crazy
ME: Yeaaa she’s tripping
HIM: Women think it’s just a bunch of rich single black men out here
Just beaucoup of em
ME:_____that’s not true
Every time we have these conversations I’m like, but you’re talking to me though 😂
Someone who doesn’t believe this way
HIM: I know, but I thought being rich was one of your standards?
ME: It is but not for real 😂
I really just mean someone with means and stability
HIM: “It is but not for real" Lol
I love you my dear friend!
ME: I’m being serious lol
I’m not ever going to turn a guy around because he’s not “rich”
Not having a job, yes
HIM: But what if he never gets rich. Will you be okay with that?
ME: Ima be rich 😂
And any man with me will be rich trust me
HIM: Like he progresses; just never gets rich
ME:I know how to invest and buy property
We’ll learn together
HIM: Oh you saying he’ll be rich because you rich?
I’ll take that
ME: Yea, whatever money a man comes to me with I'm going to help him grow and invest
HIM: Okay I love that
ME:____I’m about to write a blog lol
So here we are.. with me writing a blog. I think the women "needing" a rich husband narrative comes from the loudest 10th. In most situations in our society, we focus on the loudest, not the brightest, healthiest, and people with the most sense!
There are a lot of women who respect "regular" men. Men who go to work every day, cover their bills, and chill. I know plenty of beautiful, smart, talented women who think this way. I was raised in a regular middle-class home where both people worked and provided for the family. How am I now to say, "Hey husband you must make over $100,000 to be with me." I've seen firsthand that's not needed to make a home, to put kids through college, to go on vacation, etc. We have allowed these thought processes to literally destroy relationships before they start.
The loudest 10th has messed up the way men approach women, too. Especially as a woman with degrees, a car, and now a home. The gag is I've never made over $40,000 in my life. Listen, anyone with consistent healthcare sounds good to me!
My close friends will let you know, I'm blessed of the Lord, in more ways than one. God provides for me not just financially, but he surely provides the coins. I think we have to stop making assumptions based on what the loudest 10th says and have conversations with real women that are in touch with the real world. The emphasis on money is rooted in the false security that you will be taken care of but that's not the case. If I learned nothing else over the last 4 years it's that money does not protect you from the stresses of this world. You need a partner that can pick you up when you're down. Who sees to the future when the present is kicking your butt.
Also, who wants a rich husband you never see because they're out making money. There are plenty of other things that matter outside of money. I know rich men that don't treat their families well or have bad attitudes. Why would I want to be joined with that?
My relationship will be about growing and investing together. I'm not expecting my partner to be the only person that contributes to the home- financially or otherwise. We have to stop being influenced by the world and focus on what makes sense for us. Don't let the loudest 10th cloud reality.
God is good y'all!
Go have a conversation with someone you think is cute today!