It’s not very often that I ask myself, “How does God feel about _____?” When I do ask myself it’s usually in a situation where I have not lived my best life. (Thanks, Joel Olsteen!) But seriously, in these times I often have fallen off in a particular area of my life and think “Dang, God must be angry right now.” He’s not always angry though. Sometimes he’s sad or disappointed or hurt.
I’ve been struggling with a particular relationship a lot lately. In this relationship, I tend always to have to be the bigger person. This person gets to come and go as they please in my life. I have no say so in how the interactions work and how long they will be. Frankly, this person doesn’t treat me well. But God told me the to be welcoming no matter what. I must allow them to be a part of my life as long as they see fit. No matter how much I want to say, “You don’t deserve me or my friendship.” or “I don’t have time for your crap, don’t come back until you get it together.” (Please pray for my anger/pride.)
One day I was complaining to God about this person, and he said: “Jasmine, how do you think it makes me feel when y’all do the same to me?” I immediately felt horrible. How many times has God tried to talk to me for me to not respond in a timely manner? How many times have I called on him only when I needed his attention in certain situations? In what areas do I ignore him when he wants to be in every part of my life? Dang…
To take it a step further God has commanded me to love this person. He always says “Love does not keep account of wrongs Jasmine.” (Just as God does not keep count of mine.) And I responded one day “Yea, but love shouldn’t hurt.” God’s response changed me. He said “Who told you that?! It shouldn’t hurt in certain ways, but it hurts Jasmine. My heart breaks for my children all of the time. If I didn’t love them, it wouldn’t hurt.” Man… “If I didn’t love them, it wouldn’t hurt.” I don’t have kids, but I can imagine this is how I have hurt my parents in the past. They just want to love me and give me the best and I rebel and go the other way. I reject their love and compassion in my life. I’m truly sorry parents!
So how does it feel to break God’s heart? I tend to forget that we are made in God’s image, and this includes our emotions as well. Jesus experienced and God created every emotion we have. I’ve been reading the Old Testament lately. I’ve heard it said numerous times how God is judgmental in the Old Testament and full of grace in the New Testament. When I look at the Israelites through the eyes of a God that can be broken hearted, not a God of judgment, I begin to think about how their disobedience hurts him. How many times must God warn the Israelites against going their own way? How many times did this break God’s heart? He just wants to be our God in every area of our lives.
As I move forward, I know that I am not perfect, but I will try harder not to break God’s heart. I want him to delight in me and my walk with him.
God is good y’all